A friend from Orange Beach, AL sent this to me today. With the temperature going over 100 degrees here in Orange Beach for the last 11 days, this is quite appropriate. Dear Diary: May 30th: Just moved to Orange Beach, Alabama (or other southern city), from up North. Now this is a city that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! Watched the sunset from a party on a blanket. It was beautiful. I’ve finally found my home. I love it here! June 14th: Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem though. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I’m turning into a sun worshipper. June 30th: Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawns for me. Another scorcher today, but I like it here. July 10th: The temperature hasn’t been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least it’s kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat and humidity is taking longer that I expected. July 15th: Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over a lot of my body.) Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol’ sun in a climate like this. July 20th: I missed Morgan (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I returned to the hot car for lunch, Morgan had died, swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $2,000 leather upholstery. (I told the kids that she ran away.) The car now smells like Kibbles and cat dooky. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat. July 25th: The wind sucks. It feels like a giant blow dryer!! And it’s hot as blazes. The home air conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts. July 30th: Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. $1,500 in blasted house payments and we can’t even go inside. Why did I ever come here? Maybe I should move back up north. August 4th: It’s 105 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 yet only gets the temperature down to 85, but this freaking humidity makes the house feel like it’s about 95. Stupid repairman peed in my pool. The electric bill was $371.00 this month. I hate this stupid city! August 8th: If another wise guy cracks, “Hot enough for you today?”, I’m going to strangle him. Miserable heat. Before I can get the car cooled down, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!! August 9th: Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts and sat on the black leather seats in the ol’ car. I thought my butt was on fire. I lost two layers of skin and all the hair on the back of my legs and bottom. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried fanny, and baked cat. August 10th: The weather report might as well be a recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It’s been too hot to do anything for 2 consecutive months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn’t it ever rain in this Sahara desert?? Water rationing will be next, so might as well watch $1700 worth of cactus just dry up. Even cactus can’t live in this continuous heat. The pool is so hot you cannot get in it. August 15th: Welcome to HADES!!! Temperature got to 105 today. Forgot to crack the window and blew my windshield out all over the street and inside the car. The installer came to fix it and said, “Hot enough for you today?” My wife had to spend our $1500 house payment to bail me out of jail. Freaking South. What kind of a sick demented idiot would ever want to live here??_________________